Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
