i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize