i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
