forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
