I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
