I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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