you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
