You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
