I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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