just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
