you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize