I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
