I can tuck mytits in my pants
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
