I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I could fuck to npr.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
