he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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