awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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