I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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