And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
