There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize