wakey wakey hands off snakey
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
