My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
