I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
