really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
