I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize