Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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