I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
