I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
