i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
