P.S. I can't hear my feet
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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