I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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