Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You ruined the universe
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
