Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i drank out of a bidet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
