Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Your penis caused this!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
