Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
