I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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