I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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