please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
