True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
