She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
