you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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