Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i think my cat just said my name.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
