after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize