Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
