watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
