My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
