she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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