It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Screwed.edu
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
