hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
