This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
