I want to make a zoo with you.
I have demons in me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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