butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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