i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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