The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
