I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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