At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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