just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
