I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
