shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
