im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
