Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
