he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
