I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
did you just send me my own nude
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
