I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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