if you like me you must not know who I am
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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