Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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