Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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