If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
