Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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