The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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